Toby

I never thought I'd fall in love again. 

But I have. 

Fully and completely.

His name is Toby. We met eighteen days ago at a little animal shelter two hours away in the town of Stanton, MI. He sat in front of me, put his paw gently on my arm, looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes, and I fell in love. Although he had a rough start his first two weeks at home by becoming quite sick (intestinal problems and other issues common to shelter dogs), he is now doing much better and we're settling in to life together.

Although he was very docile when he was sick, I'm finding a bit of curiosity/mischievousness now that he's feeling better. He's shredded several papers I left on the table and he can reach up on the counter to get food (or his canned food lid). 

He's also discovered a great spot to watch what's going on outside:

I saved a couple of Tosca's favorite toys, and Toby loves the kong. I put little dog treats inside and he moves it around until they come out. He also is starting to get the idea of fetching the tennis ball and bringing it back to me. (Tosca never did get the hang of "fetch.") 

Yesterday was finally bath day! My mom and I took Toby to Chow Hound, where they have a self-serve dog wash room. It was great - they supplied the tub, shampoo, towels, (an apron for me), and they cleaned up after we finished. Toby was fine going in the store, but when we got to the little room he wouldn't walk up the ramp, so I had to lift him into the tub. He sat there, trembling with fear. I felt so bad for him and just stood there, trying to comfort him. He finally settled down and sat there quietly while I washed and rinsed him. 

Now his fur is so smooth and soft (and the "shelter smell" is gone). I had also saved all of Tosca's bandanas (assuming I would get another female dog). I sorted through them to find an appropriate one for a boy dog.

I'm so grateful God brought Toby into my life. I'm looking forward to the places we'll explore together. I love the life that's in my house again.

Welcome home, Toby!

Questions

This is not the blog post I intended to write. I had planned to write about the wonderful trip to sleeping Bear Dunes I had with my sister a couple weeks ago. I’ve also been waiting to write about my new dog, Toby, but I wanted to wait until he was well and bathed and I had some good photos of the two of us together. This blog post is about Toby. But it’s not just a happy introduction, like I’d planned. Instead, it’s full of questions. It is our story - right now. It speaks to where my heart is tonight as my sweet little dog lies on the floor by the couch, just as sick as he was last Sunday evening. And I don’t understand.

I took the death of my dear Tosca hard last August. We had been together fourteen wonderful years and done so much together. It was awful being alone at home and, honestly, this past year has been really difficult. I still miss her incredibly. But I knew God had another dog planned for me, and I figured I’d start looking after school was out for the summer. I’d look through the Petfinder listings periodically and always end up wondering if I could “do” another dog – one that wasn’t Tosca. I even went to the local Petapalooza on June 9 and looked at the dogs the rescue groups had brought along. At that point I decided I wasn’t yet ready for another dog; it was too hard.

However, the next evening, for some reason I again looked at the Petfinder listings, and found the following ad:

Something about this dog intrigued me and I decided to drive up to Stanton (2 hours away) to check her out. When I got there, they told me the dog was actually a male and had been listed on Petfinder incorrectly. I was only looking at female dogs and was ready to leave when something inside told me that since I had already driven all the way up, I could at least look at him. They brought him out and I took him outside. He was a little skittish but stayed right with me. He was beautiful! His ears and tail reminded me of Tosca, yet he looked unique. I crouched on the ground and he sat in front of me, looking at me with his beautiful brown eyes and then put his paw up on my arm. I fell in love and took him home.

Normally they spay/neutor the dogs before letting them leave, but since the shelter was full, I left a deposit which would be returned when I sent proof that he was neutered. 

I felt certain (and still do) that this was the dog God had chosen for me and almost laughed thinking about how the dog had to be listed as female in order for me to see his picture (“God works in mysterious ways!).

We had a great time that afternoon and evening playing fetch with a tennis ball as he explored the house. I was filled with excitement and anticipation for the rest of the summer as we’d hike and explore together.

However, early the next morning (about 1:30) he started vomiting. I thought it might be because of the stress and change in environment, but I made an appointment with the vet that morning. They found he did have some issues that are common to shelter dogs and gave me some medication for that, and we went home. But he kept getting worse, and we ended up with four visits to the vet within a week. He’d make some progress and then go backwards again.

I thought he was finally turning the corner this weekend as he got his appetite back and was eating well on Friday and Saturday. We went for several walks and he was playing with his toys and eager to interact with me. The four medications he’d on would be finished by next Tuesday, so I was ready to be finished with this sick business.

Then came today. He began vomiting again this morning and has been very lethargic. He’s spent the entire day today either sleeping or vomiting. He can’t keep any food down; I haven’t even tried any of his medications. I feel like we’re right where we were last Sunday (except for the thousand dollars I’ve spent on vet bills in the last week and a half).

At this point I’m very frustrated, confused, sad, and worried. It was so hard to even get another dog and now to see him so sick …  I don’t understand why God would have me find and fall in love with this dog only to have him get so sick. If I had left him at the shelter to be neutered (my other option) and he’d gotten sick, he never would have survived. If I hadn’t gotten him when I did and he’d gotten sick, they wouldn’t have put him up for adoption. So I feel like this was God’s plan. But how serious is his sickness? How long (and how much money) will it take to figure out the cause? What if it’s something that isn’t fixable? I don’t have any answers right now, but I do have lots of questions.

And tonight my heart is hurting. I’ve opened it up to another dog – a precious sweetheart of a dog that I truly love – and I just want him to be okay.  I do trust God, but on days like today, it is hard.

Garden Therapy

This is what it looks like now.

This is what it looked like last September.

I spent last Labor Day weekend digging out the old ground cover and weeds that surrounded the back corner of my backyard. Two weeks after burying Tosca, I felt the need to do something physical where I didn't need to think. I just needed to dig; an outlet for my grief. After three 8-hour days bent over on my hands and knees, I finally looked around and had two thoughts:

1. I'm so sore I can hardly stand up straight.

2. What am I going to do with this bare corner now??

This spring I came back to the task. Spending every spare minute in the back corner of the yard, I dug up more of the grass, 

and connected this new section with the previous garden,

pulled weeds (and then pulled the new weeds), 

added a brick border,

and two yards of soil,

finishing off with $100 worth of new perennials and a beautiful mulch.

I love it!

And I think of it as Tosca's Garden.