The Power of a Word

There are some words that have powerful connotations when you hear them. Words like 

freedom, 

compassion, 

slavery, 

racism, 

compassion, 

religion,

life,

death. 

Some words are filled with positive meanings, while others bring to mind negative images. And some words offer a mixture of both happy and sad connotations.

My family began living with a powerful word last month. The word is hospice. On January 7, my dad's heart doctor told my parents there was nothing more they could do to help him and advised them to contact a hospice organization. After researching several, we met and signed on with Faith Hospice and have been adjusting to this new reality. 

This single word has brought out a number of conflicting emotions and feelings in my mind.

Defeat - Although we knew the LVAD wasn't completely successful, the doctors have always been positive and offered hope. Hearing them say say there are no more options is hard.

Anger and Frustration - The past year and a half have been difficult, especially for my parents. The hope that the LVAD would lead to a better quality of life was never realized and this frustrates me.

Fear - The fact that my dad will die and coming to terms with what that means.

Gratefulness - My dad is still feeling fairly well, although he is pretty much home-bound. We signed on with Hospice early instead of waiting until his health is in a crisis, so that we would be familiar with the program and staff and have time to adjust.

Confidence and Trust - We've heard only positive things about Faith Hospice. I love the philosophy behind it and have supported my local Hospice organization in Holland for years. Everyone we've met has been kind and helpful. They've taken a little of the stress of caring for my dad off my mom. 

Worry - Every day I wake up and worry that my dad will die today. Every time I call my parents I wonder how they are doing. I find I am often worried about them.

Surrender - I'm finding that I need to constantly remind myself that I am not in control of this situation. One of the first things I did after hearing the news was prepare a week of "emergency sub plans" for when the crisis mode would begin. I find myself wondering if my dad will die this month or next month or in six months or ... The truth is, I don't know when. No one knows for sure. Just like I don't know when I (or anyone else) will die. It's in God's hands. I need to surrender and simply live each day.

Hope and Faith - As I've been thinking about the reality of death this past month, certain Bible passages have become more real to me. The promise that those who love God and trust Jesus as their Savior will live with God forever gives me hope. The assurance that we will be reunited with loved ones is comforting.

It's funny how one little word can both offer encouragement and make you feel sick to your stomach. Hospice - it's an important word. I wish we didn't have to know it personally in our family, but I'm also grateful that it's available. And I will continue to process all that it means in the next days and months.