Masks

We all have an image we project to others; how we want others to perceive us. This image usually relates to our beliefs, ethics, and way of life. Many times this “public” persona is similar to our “private” persona, although we tend to be more open and vulnerable with close friends and family than with strangers and acquaintances. But sometimes people wear a mask, with secrets that are held tight and shared with absolutely no one.

I’ve wrestled with this post for almost a month now, as I’ve struggled to process my thoughts and put them into words. Last month one of the morning DJs on the Christian radio station I listen to was arrested on sexual assault charges dealing with a minor. As details about the allegations came out and then an admission of guilt to at least some of the charges, reactions of shock and disbelief turned to condemnation (rightly so) and questions from his friends and colleagues, radio station listeners, and the west Michigan community. How can you know someone so well and yet not have a clue about his secret life?

As a longtime listener to the morning show, I felt I “knew” this DJ. Not as a close friend of course, but his public persona seemed very genuine and authentic. He spoke about his faith and prayed on-air for listeners. He went on mission trips advocating for orphans (which makes me cringe now) and promoted family-friendly activities. He seemed very transparent and open. I’ve talked with him several times at different events – just a normal guy. His “private” persona was apparently very similar, according to his friends and coworkers. In fact, they called him the “boy scout” at the radio station “because he was squeaky clean.” Maybe that’s why everyone was blindsided by the allegations; it didn’t fit the person everyone thought he was.

Feelings of confusion, betrayal, disgust, and anger have filled my mind during this month. With additional news reports coming out, it appears likely that this wasn’t a one-time event but a secret pattern of abuse with multiple victims. I wonder and wish I could ask him – how could you, how long has this gone on, did you ever think about your victims, did you ever repent or try to stop, did you ever try talking to someone about your addiction, do you really have a relationship with God, are you relieved you’ve been caught, do you realize how your actions have affected so many people?

My heart goes out to the victims; young children who have been traumatized. To take advantage of and hurt a child is inexcusable. I also pray for his wife (they had been married only seven weeks before his arrest) and her son, as their anticipation of a happy future has been shattered. 

This whole situation makes me sad. Sad for abused children. Sad for families, coworkers, and friends. Sad for fellow listeners. Sad for the Christian community. Sad for those who now have another target to criticize Christianity. Sad for the state of our world and the effects of sin. And, yes, sad for John too.

Amidst all the emotions and questions I’ve been sorting through, I’m finding the issue of trust keeps sneaking in. I love and support my radio station. But now, when I hear another DJ speak about God or pray on-air, for a split second I wonder – can I trust you, do you really believe what you’re saying before I catch myself and follow along.

It makes me think about people in general, though: who else is hiding behind a mask of secrets? Can we really truly know someone? What types of masks do others wear? Who can you really trust?

I'm pretty sure we all wear some type of mask. They don't all hide terrible secrets, but they do hide our inner sins. The only one who is totally transparent - with nothing to hide - is God. And He is the one we can always trust.

But I'm coming to the conclusion that I can't let this situation change my perception of people. I don't want to spend my life wondering if someone is wearing a mask that hides a terrible secret. I want to trust others and assume the best. While this event provides another reminder that this world is full of sinful people, there are many other instances where people are kind and helpful.  I don't want to be naive about the realities of sin, but I refuse to allow myself to distrust people because of it. 

As this case moves forward, I'm sure there will be more publicity (especially because he worked for a Christian radio station, associated with a Christian university) and conflicting emotions for many people to deal with. Because, eventually, all masks are removed. Secrets are exposed and truth comes out. And it's only when the truth is shown, that true growth and healing - for everyone affected - can begin.