Christmas Disappointment

Hope turned into eager anticipation this past Wednesday as my brother texted that they had checked in at the airport and were waiting to board their plane. He and his wife had made plans last summer to come to the US for Christmas this year. Our entire family was looking forward to meeting my sister-in-law, Olya, and seeing Peter again. His last trip home had been over two years ago just before his wedding to Olya, which took place in Krasnoyarsk, Siberia. My mom and I were the only ones who had been able to make the long trip for the wedding, and we looked forward to introducing her to the rest of our family at Christmas time.

Their US trip plans, however, continued to go back and forth with Olya’s spinal surgery and subsequent recovery this fall. And just after they received the doctor’s okay to travel abroad, Olya came down with pneumonia and Peter got the flu. As of last Monday, we still weren’t sure if they’d be coming. But on Tuesday they made the decision to come and Wednesday afternoon we got the message that they were checked in at the airport in Krasnoyarsk waiting to board their plane for Moscow. From there they would travel to New York and then to Grand Rapids via Cincinnati, arriving around 9:30 pm on Christmas Eve. What a wonderful Christmas present!

I went to bed Wednesday night full of plans for last-minute shopping the next morning and excited for our family Christmas get-together. But when I awoke on Thursday morning and checked my email, I found a note from my mom written around 2:30 in the morning. Peter had called from the Moscow airport with the news that there was a problem. We found out later that they’d been given conflicting information and even a call to the US embassy didn’t help. They eventually got a plane back to Krasnoyarsk and returned safely in time for a quiet Christmas at home.

Beginning in the summer and continuing all fall, Peter kept thinking about the song “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.” We didn’t think about the last line of the song: “if only in my dreams.” That’s how it turned out this year. But, in another sense, his home is with his wife and their home together right now is Krasnoyarsk.

Our family was deeply disappointed. I had planned to go to my parents’ on Christmas Day and spend the weekend with them and Peter and Olya. We’d then meet my sister and her family in Florida next week for a family reunion at Disney World.

I sat at the kitchen table early Thursday morning, trying to absorb the fact that, after coming so close, Peter and Olya wouldn’t be spending Christmas with us. Suddenly my crowded “to do” list was meaningless. No last minute little gifts to purchase, no quick stop at the grocery store to pick up some tea for Olya and sea foam candy for Peter, and now I really didn’t need to clean my house (at least not thoroughly) because no one would be coming to visit. I cried at the kitchen table as I asked God why, although I fully trust that He is in control and that this was His will. For whatever reason, it was not in God’s plan for Peter and Olya to spend Christmas 2009 in the United States. Later I cried with my mom on the phone as we adjusted our Christmas plans.

Christmas Eve turned into a dismal, drab day. My mood totally matched the weather outside. I had no motivation and the thought of going to church to celebrate anything was too much. I ended up going to my parents in the afternoon (just as the freezing rain began) and found they felt the same way. For the first time that I can remember, we didn’t go to church on Christmas Eve. We just spent the evening together, talking, playing Rumicub, and trying to cheer each other up. Christmas and its message of rejoicing seemed so far away.

I felt guilty for taking the news so hard. After all, many people are dealing with much bigger disappointments and heartaches. But I think we just needed time to grieve the loss of our anticipated time together, especially since it had been so up and down whether they were coming. My parents and I began to feel better by Christmas morning and we had a nice, quiet day together. We even talked with Peter and Olya via Skype. I also spent time online reviewing some of the activities at Disney World, which was therapeutic for me. After a day of not even wanting to go to Florida, I’m again looking forward to spending time with my sister and brother-in-law and their kids next week.

I’m so thankful that God’s gift of salvation doesn’t depend on our ever-changing moods. Although I couldn’t rejoice on Christmas Eve or even Christmas Day this year, deep in my heart I’m so thankful for the gift of Jesus. I’m also extremely thankful that God understands my feelings and loves me. This morning as I was taking Tosca for a walk, I briefly saw the bright orange sun poke out from behind the clouds and thanked God for the glimpse of sun after a dull cloudy day. I told Him I needed to see the sun, even for just a moment. And then I recalled the other spelling of sun - and thanked God for sending His Son, whose coming did not depend on my feelings but His grace.

I’m hopeful that Peter and Olya will be able to come to the US to visit sometime in 2010. If possible, summer would be a great time to showcase Michigan and we could have a great family reunion on Mackinac Island. And, we still need a family picture! But I’m leaving that in God’s hands. He is in control of all our plans.

Birthday Weekend in Chicago

I love musical theatre. Sometimes the storylines make me think (Miss Saigon) or learn about history (Les Miserables). Other times it’s just fun to escape into another world (Wicked and Mamma Mia). Anyway, when I heard that two musical theatre legends - Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth - were coming to Chicago in December with a new musical that’s heading to Broadway next spring, I had to get tickets. And downtown Chicago during the holiday season is filled with activity, so my friend and I decided to splurge and stay overnight. The weekend we chose also happened to include my birthday. Great idea!

We left around 8:00 a.m. on Saturday morning, driving to Michigan City and picking up the commuter train there. What a perfect way to travel. After arriving downtown we walked a few blocks to our hotel and then had lunch at one of my favorite Chicago restaurants, The Corner Bakery. Although it was chilly, the day was actually sunny and it was nice to walk.

We arrived at the Ford Center Oriental Theatre for the afternoon matinee performance of The Adams Family and enjoyed the show. It was so incredible to see Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth right there! The actors all did a wonderful job and the story was fun. We had awesome seats fairly close to the front (of course we had ordered them almost six months earlier).

Because it was my birthday, I was convinced I was going to get my picture taken with the two stars of the show. That was going to be the headline for my blog - a photo of me with Nathan and Bebe. After the show we found the door that the actors use to leave the theatre (leading into an alley) and waited with about ten other people. We saw a number of people leave, but neither Nathan nor Bebe came out. After waiting about 45 minutes (and outlasting the others who were also waiting), we realized they either had an alternate exit or were staying at the theatre until the evening show. So, instead of a photo of me with the two stars of the show, I have a photo of me waiting for the two stars. Oh well.

After the show, we wandered the streets of downtown Chicago and enjoyed Macy’s Christmas windows, the German Kristkindlmarkt, the downtown ice-skating rink, and Giordanos deep-dish pizza before heading back to our hotel for chocolate desserts.

We stayed at the Palmer House Hilton, which is one of the oldest hotels in downtown Chicago. The lobby is very elegant with a beautifully painted ceiling and the Christmas decorations were lovely. The hotel also contains several elaborate ballrooms; it was fun to explore the different areas. Everyone was very friendly and helpful and the location was perfect for us. I would definitely recommend it.

After a leisurely breakfast the next morning, we headed back to the train station and made our way back to Holland. What a fun time. I’m looking forward to going again … maybe next summer?

Life and Death and Life

This afternoon I attended a funeral.
A week before Christmas.
The father of one of my second graders.
A precious little seven-year-old girl whose father died last Saturday afternoon from pancreatic cancer.

This has been a difficult week, balancing grief and sympathy for this child and her mother along with the excitement of Christmas that the other children have. Struggling to maintain composure while reading a heartbreaking email while dealing with the everyday business of school and life. It has also been the kind of week that I am especially thankful that I teach in a Christian school. I cannot imagine dealing with this kind of situation without being able to pray and talk with my students about our hope for the future because of Christ. I love being able to center all of my teaching on God's Word and world, but when real-life hits, this spiritual foundation is especially vital.

Every year, in December, we light four candles in my class as we prepare for Christmas. These candles each have special names to help us focus on the true meaning of Christmas: hope, peace, joy, and love. The message of these candles has affected me deeply this year as I think about this student and her family. The concepts these candles represent have been such a great comfort to me.

God supplies us with hope and peace in all circumstances because of His love. Even through our grief we can have a deep joy because there is hope for a future with God and our loved ones in heaven someday because of the gift of Jesus Christ and His gift of salvation.

This father died on my birthday, December 12. I will never forget him or his special little girl. Every year from now on, I will say a prayer for her on my birthday. But the day he died is also the day he was brought to a new life with Christ. So, in a way, we now share a birthday - my earthly one and his heavenly one.

Our class gave this little girl a special teddy bear with a scarf that we all signed. I also wrote part of our school theme for this year on the scarf: “Love one another.” My second graders and their parents have already been showing love to this family; again, I’m so thankful for our Christian school community. I pray that when she hugs the bear, she will feel God’s presence and comfort in a special way and remember how much she is loved. I also pray that all my students and their families will remember how much God loves all of us.



As I look at the picture of the teddy bear,
I see the love of children,
a teacher,
a family,
a school community,
and, most of all,
the love of God.

Snow Day ?

This was the view from my front yard late this afternoon during our "blizzard."

The weather reports have been forecasting a huge winter weather storm for today through tomorrow. Last night and early this morning we had some freezing rain, but a major blizzard was scheduled to arrive early this afternoon. So most area schools closed today in anticipation. We all waited ... and waited ... but as of 9:00 tonight we've seen maybe half an inch of snow in Holland. Maybe it's still coming.

I did enjoy the snow day:

* slept in
* enjoyed a muffin and hot chocolate by the Christmas tree
* read a "teacher" book on "Love and Logic"
* caught up on laundry
* baked a chicken and rice casserole
* started working on the yearbook for school
* enjoyed an old movie on TV
* thought about grading papers
* enjoyed sitting on the couch next to Tosca
* played a lot of Pathwords (word game on Facebook)

Ya gotta love all the hype from meteorologists!

Christmas Decorations

When I was a little girl I loved putting up our family Christmas tree. I eagerly looked forward to the first Saturday in December when we would go to choose a tree at a nearby tree lot. It was always fun trying to find the “perfect” tree and then decorating it together as a family at home.

Our Christmas tree decorations were a mixed group of round, glass ornaments along with various collectables. My mom and dad would have to compromise on the lights (dad wanted blue while mom preferred white). I recently found out that some of our ornaments had belonged to my dad when he was little. One of my favorite Christmas ornaments was a little “candy man” - a creature made from yarn with a Styrofoam ball for a head. But the most fascinating part of the candy man was his body which consisted of an entire roll of life-savers candy. A whole roll of life-savers - how extravagant!! As a little girl I thought the candy man was so cool and always begged to open the roll of candy, but he remained intact all throughout my childhood.



Because I am deeply (overly?) sentimental and can’t bear to part with anything, when my parents were updating their Christmas decorations a number of years ago, I confiscated a number of their old ones rather than see them thrown out. Of course I can’t put them on my own tree; after all, they are pretty cheap and tacky looking. So they sit in a bag in the basement amongst my other Christmas stuff.



As I was digging through all my Christmas boxes last week, I discovered the bag of old ornaments. And inside was my candy man! As I held the candy man, I remembered the excitement of my childhood and the anticipation of each Christmas. I also again resisted the temptation to open the roll of life-savers (now almost 50 years old!).

Now I have a store-bought, pre-lit tree (what a wonderful invention). The ornaments on my tree are also varied - gifts from past students as well as children I babysat long ago, ornaments purchased from special places, a mixture of religious and “just for fun,” along with a handcrafted tree-topper angel. I still enjoy decorating the tree and reminiscing as I hang the ornaments. There’s something peaceful about sitting near the tree on a dark winter evening with only the tree lights sparkling in the night.



I love the wonderful memories of my childhood Christmas trees. And I’m thankful for the tacky ornaments of my childhood; they remind me that life doesn’t usually look beautiful and all put-together. The importance of family and times spent together are what I see when I look at the old ornaments. They also remind me that Jesus came to a world that wasn’t all put-together; it was pretty tacky and tawdry. That’s why He came. To make things right. To redecorate our lives.

I still love my candy man. With his yarn and styrofoam and old candy, he points me to my true Life Savior.